Die

There are moment when all we can do is die. These moments are like storms, not in the raging or torrent, but in the simple reality that we are helpless to split the clouds, helpless to bring the sune back into the sky. We find ourselves sitting in the rain with nothing else to do and no where to go. The rain falls and the dull thuds of each drop mixes in with the cold to compose a voice that seems to capture so well what our own voices cannot speak of, that quiet pain that does not extract from us screams of agony, but weighs us down with an invisible burden. This burden being invisible, intangible and silent, thus cannot be perfectly seen and described by the carrier, lifted up and off by the strongest of human hands, or be cured by a thousand beautiful words. All that can be done, is to sit and wait in the rain, and wait for the clouds to have mercy and release their prisoner, the sky.

These are the moments that beckon us to die. To drink in the rain and embrace the growing chill. This is the hard part. When we come to the end of all that we can do, and yet every thing in our beings tell us to try, to move, to fight, to force the sun to shine by sheer will. Or our being surrenders to the greyness and we sink deep into the water, and we loose ourselves in the dull sound of each breaking drop upon the ground. Nothing..we finally find that we can do nothing close up the shower and bring the color back again. Here is where it is all so very clear, where helplesness becomes the lense through which we see the feeblness of our existence. It is here where what we truly are becomes so clear. We are lost. Wet, tired, cold, and lost. We have come to the end.

Here is the test of Love. Because right there in that place we have made it as far as we need to go, and we need not take another step further, for we have made it to the only place we are meant to find. We have made it to the foot of the cross. All that is left to do is to lay down and die. Rest your head and close your eyes and let the thud, thud, thud, of the drops take you away. Breathe your last breath and surrender. There is nothing left to do, and there is no strength left to fight.

So come and die. Because the promise is, that if you come and die, you will live again, truly live again. And in that life the rain may still be pouring, but you will finally be able to hear the symphony. You will be able to here the music in every drop, you will be able to hear the lulliby of praise in the dripping down of worship from the sky. There you will find that all you heart longs for is to join in, to take your place in that music and sing with each note of falling drops. To raise your hands and drink in the rain, now not as misery, but music. There you will finally find it, finally see it and feel it. The warmth, the light, the brightness and brilliance, the sheen and shine, of the son. And he will lift your weight and fill the silence of that burden with His very love. He will be your light. The son will be your everlasting sun.

And one day soon, the clouds will split and the sky will rend and shutter, the son will come riding in on a brilliant blaze of dawn. And then their will be new music and the rain shall be no more.

You cannot not know what life is there, you cannot see the promise made sure unless you come and die.


As the rain and the snow
   come down from heaven,
and do not return to it
   without watering the earth
and making it bud and flourish,
   so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
¹¹ so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
   It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
   and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
¹² You will go out in joy
   and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
   will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
   will clap their hands.
                         (Isaiah 55:10-12)

If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it.
                          (Mathew 10:39)

²³ Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. ²⁴ Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. ²⁵ The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!”
 <sup>26 He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.
 27 The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!”
                                 (Mathew 8:23-27)

4</sup> They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. ⁵ There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever.
                         (Revelation 22:4-5)

³ And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ⁴ ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’^[b] or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
                         (Revelation 21:3-4)